WRITING THOSE "NEWLYWED GAME" QUESTIONS...IT (was) A LIVING!

"Whoopee" questions aside, it was a great gig!

By the time I was hired on the staff at Chuck Barris Productions in October 1978, five months after graduation as a TV/Film major from Cal State Northridge with an emphasis in writing, I already had an original television pilot in hand, and spec scripts for a few existing television series.  I had the youthful enthusiasm of a young man dreaming to become a film and TV writer, the prescience to keep a daily journal (inspired by Charlton Heston’s book, The Actor’s Life, a collection of his own journal entries spanning decades of his career), and the realization that I’d need to have a “real” job to pay the rent and afford food, a car, and clothing.

I started as a “bandit,” the term Chuck Barris and company used for those hired to bring in contestants for all their shows, including “The Newlywed Game” and “The Dating Game,” the two to which I was assigned.  The other half of the staff, housed on the second floor of an office building at Sunset and Cahuenga Blvd. in Hollywood, worked on “The Gong Show” and “The $1.98 Beauty Show.” 

It was grunt work to be sure, as each in our group of five had quotas to book (for Dating Game) 100 or more contestant applicants a week, work on the nightly auditions on another floor, and then on the taping of the shows themselves.  From 500 or 600 men and woman who would audition each week, we’d be lucky to get 50 or 60 who were right for the show.

Finding contestants for The Newlywed Game was easier…we had the list of marriage licenses issued regularly in the Los Angeles courts…it was like shooting ducks in a barrel (ignore the visual).

When I was hired I was told to expect to work 60 hours a week, which in actuality hit 70 or more, all for $210 weekly. I was able to negotiate $30 a week more than my counterparts because producers Mike & Ellen Metzger knew me, from when I worked as a page on the tapings at KTLA (that’s me, bottom row second from the left below).

I accepted that the work would be hard and that my social life would take a back seat to work, but what made it bearable was that I had a goal…to be a writer…and that those I worked for knew it was my goal.

But as the months went on, and hints dropped time and time again to Mike, Ellen, and Creative Consultant Steve Friedman that I wanted to write, nothing was happening.  I was ready to quit.

From my Journal, February 2, 1979:

            Talked to Steve Friedman this morning about writing.  He’s been my biggest supporter at Barris and I feel like we can talk about anything.  Told him how frustrated I was that I haven’t had a chance to write yet, and that I was ready to quit altogether.  What he said to me then was an epiphany.  “Nobody is going to hire you to be a writer until you show us you can write.”  It was like a light bulb went on over my head.  I got it.  Told him I’d go home tonight and start writing Newlywed Game questions.

That night I went home and started writing. I must have knocked out about 40 or 50 off-the-wall questions, like “If you and your wife had a Japanese baby, what would you name it?” and some even more outrageous than that.  I sat on them for a few days, wanting to take a bit more time to tweak them before presenting to Mike & Ellen and Steve.  It was a few days later at the studio on a taping day that this came up:

February 7, 1979:

            NWG taping day at the studio.  Metz came to me and said “hey, I heard you wrote some Newlywed questions --- what are you waiting for, the season to end before you bring them to me?”  Not sure who told him, but probably Steve.  I’ll write more tonight and show him tomorrow.

Wrote even more outrageous questions that night, then whittled them down to about 30 or so which I considered the best.

February 8, 1979:

            I can write!  In the foremost recognition of my writing talents ever, Metz and Steve told me my stuff was good!  We went over the Newlywed Game questions I wrote one by one --- some were right on, like “who is your wife’s favorite dead movie star?” and “what is the largest number of people that ever saw you make whoopee?” --- and they told me why the ones that didn’t work didn’t.  He’s going to decide how they can use me and my writing in a few days, so all I can do now is wait.  But it’s the greatest compliment I can get --- the producers telling me my writing is great!

I was thrilled.  But the staff already had two full-time union writers, and I knew they weren’t going to add a third.

February 9, 1979:

            I’m a writer!  Metz is letting me write for an hour and a quarter every morning, 40 Newlywed Game questions a day (that’s a hell of a lot in a short time) and I’m getting $25 a week more.  Peanuts, but it’s the first time in my life I’m being PAID to WRITE.  I’ll still have to work as a bandit the rest of the day, with the same quotas bringing in contestants as before, but in less time.

The following Monday, I was given an empty office space from which I’d sit every morning from 10am to 11:15am with a pad of paper, a pen (yes, I wrote longhand) and a dictionary.  Many of the best ideas for questions came to me as I randomly thumbed through the dictionary, finding words that would trigger thoughts for unusual questions.  Mike gave me notes on what good questions had to have; I threw out many after reviewing them but always managed to come up with my required 40, even if I cheated by writing some at home the night before.

Notes on writing Newlywed Game questions from Mike Metzger (in black, above)

February 12, 1979:

            First day of writing!  In an hour and a quarter I was only able to think up 15 new questions, and used 25 I wrote over the weekend to make the required 40.  “Where was the last place your husband almost drowned?”  “What is your husband’s favorite thing to put on his wiener?”  They were good, and Metz came in the bandit room to congratulate me.  “You’re two for two!  I don’t know how you do it!”

February 13, 1979:

            Forty more questions --- more congratulations --- Steve came in beaming.  “You got it,” he said.  “If you moved across the street from yourself, what would your name be?”  “If you were a dog, with what type of other dog would you most like to make whoopee?”  Idiotic, indeed, but they liked the stuff.  Went into Metz’ office to go over them and hone them a bit more.  I’m learning.

February 16, 1979:

            Writing on the nose again; it’s great to hear praise from Mike and Steve. “Who is your favorite dictator?”  “Which of your four in-laws have the least of their original teeth?”  Steve gave me a shot in the arm today, saying that the next opening for a fulltime writer belongs to me.

My writing was a hit, and in early April, when the season of Newlywed Game tapings was complete, I was assigned to start writing for a new game show Chuck Barris and the team were producing, called “3’s a Crowd.”

“3’s a Crowd” was similar to The Newlywed Game, but instead of four couples on the set, it was four sets of three people…each trio with the husband in the middle, a wife on one side, and his secretary on the other.  The premise of the show was “who knows the husband better, his wife or his secretary?”  More on that show, a story in itself, in a future column.

I was enjoying the writing but was getting put off by the delays moving me to full time.  I continued to write and submit spec scripts for shows like “Happy Days” and “Fantasy Island” (Spec scripts, short for speculative, are those which are not solicited by the show’s producers…just written and sent in by outsiders hoping to get a break).  I was once told March…then October…

I was still having to work full time booking contestants that nearly brought me to the breaking point.  “As bad as banditing is, I’ve got to stick it out.  If I want to make it, I’ve got to pay my dues, and these are the dues,” I wrote in June.

In July, I decided that I needed to focus on finding other writing opportunities.  The 70 hour work weeks were not allowing me time to do anything else, be it dating or writing for other shows.

From my Journal, July 21, 1979:

            Saturday.  After a slow 3’s a Crowd run-through I told Metz and Steve that Friday would be my last day.  Among the things I said, “I’ve proven to myself that I can write with a deadline, I’ve got some projects in the works, and three people are interested in reading some scripts of mine.”  Among the things Metz told me: “I think that’s fantastic; I don’t blame you one bit; you’ve done a great job; you’ve really got a knack at writing; I really appreciate you staying this extra week.”  They both shook my hand and wished me luck.  I felt very good, having made it clear I was doing it for my future, not because the work was too tough.

A sense of calm came over me after making the decision.  As I had for more than five months, I wrote my 40 game show questions each morning and called potential contestants the rest of each day through the next week.  Friday came and I was ready to embark on the next step of my television writing journey.  Then, a surprise.

July 27, 1979:

            My last day at Chuck Barris Productions…or so I thought.  Late in the afternoon, Mike Metzger called me into his office and made a proposition.  I could work three evenings a week at the tapings of 3’s a Crowd on the horn and buzzer (sitting next to him during the show and using the bell or horn sound effects if the “judge” was needed on a close but not exact answer) and he’d give me 30 bucks a night.  But the best of all, I could continue to write the show questions at home, on my own time, and bring them in once a week on Fridays, and he’ll continue paying me THE SAME AMOUNT I WAS MAKING WHILE WORKING 70 HOURS A WEEK!  I immediately accepted.  I still get to work with everyone at the tapings, which are great fun, and do all my writing during the day at home.  It’s the best of both worlds.  Things are looking up!

It was an unexpected offer, an acknowledgement that I was a good writer, and though making only a fraction of what a fulltime union writer would have made, I didn’t have to spend 40 hours a week doing it.  That gave me the opportunity to find more writing opportunities (at one point I was invited to write a script for, and was close to getting hired on, the soap opera Days of Our Lives).

On the set of The Newlywed Game (as “The Judge,” above)

Life was great and the dream scenario lasted for seven months, until the day that was inevitable given the ongoing savagery of shows like The Newlywed Game and 3’s a Crowd in the media, which scared advertisers away.

From my Journal, February 25, 1980:

            Monday.  The Newlywed Game was cancelled today.  I wrote for hours this morning, then got a call from Mike Metzger telling me “It doesn’t look like Newlywed Game will return for a fourth season.”  So no more writing Newlywed Game, two weeks’ more of taping 3’s a Crowd, and then, no more income.  At the studio taping tonight everyone seemed to be shocked.  It wasn’t easy doing five shows knowing there would be no next season.

March 6, 1980 was the last day of taping for 3’s a Crowd, (In addition to that and The Newlywed Game, The Dating Game, The Gong Show and The $1.98 Beauty Show also had wrapped their seasons and were not renewed). I said goodbye to the Chuck Barris staff I’d worked with for more than two years, since I was a page at KTLA.  Everyone went their separate ways, but some remained friends and others I’d run into when working on other shows in the ensuing years.  It was quite a ride! Whoopee!

POSTSCRIPT…I’ve received some comments and wanted to respond. When they used the “What would you name a Japanese baby” question on the show, the wife answered "Chung King" and when that was revealed after the husband had given his answer, his response was "THAT'S NOT JAPANESE, THAT'S CHINESE!" and a short argument ensued.  That was GOLD for the producers of the show!